untitled ★

I am so short.

Strike out everything you've done.?

Had Beer

Smoked an entire cigarette

Done drugs.

Write on a bathroom wall.

Read a George Orwell book. 

Had a physical fight.

Used Twitter.

Listened to Lady Gaga

Been in a car accident. 

Gotten suspended.

Gotten expelled.

Been allergic to something.

Got a computer virus.

Touched a real gun.

Had a dog.

Had a cat.

Been pregnant.

Camped out

Swam in the ocean.

Wore a bikini.

Driven a car

Been sent to the principal.

Ever liked someone.

Failed a class.

Failed a test.

Went to summer school. 

Got worse than a D

Got A’s, A’s and B’s.

Read an entire book.

Recorded my own music.

Had an xbox.

Worn heels more than 3 days in a row.

Wore fishnets. 

Wore skinny jeans.

Hated someone.

Been cheated on.

Cheated on someone.

Practiced Christianity.

Worn makeup.

Lied to my parents about where I was going.

Had surgery.

Had my license.

Been to college.

Graduated high school.

Attempted suicide.

Self harmed.

Worn colored contacts.

Painted my nails black.

Broken someone’s heart. 

Had my heart broken.

Cried for an hour straight.

Lost something very valuable.

Got separated from one of my parents as a kid.  

Broken a bone.

Gotten stung by a bee

Eaten something bad/expired.

Threw up from being so drunk.

Saw someone throw up from being so drunk.

Danced with someone of the opposite sex.

Owned an ipod.

Owned an iphone.

Fell for a best friend.

Stole a friend’s significant other.

Went far away from home for more than a week.

Moved out.

Ran away.

Had food poisoning.

Had a job.

Been fired.

Lied to a friend.

Lied to a family member.

Had a Facebook.

Posted a video on Youtube. 

Started a rumor about someone. 

Talked bad about someone.

Dropped out of school.

Deliberately failed a test.

Been skinny dipping.

Counted to a million.

Counted to a thousand.

Ate rabbit meat.

Ate duck meat.

Had fast food.

Been to Church.

Been to Canada.

Been married.

Had a divorce.

Broke a glass.

Hugged someone today

Texted someone today.

Received a phone call today.

Threw something out of the window. 

Ignored a text from someone on purpose.

Had my feelings hurt by a friend and never told them.

Kissed someone.

GPOY.

untitled

I honestly cannot wait until the day I graduate so I can leave this wretched town. I’m of tired of people verbally abusing me because I have dreams, goals, ambitions, and actually want to do something with my life. I never really took the bullying/teen depression epidemic seriously. I’ve always felt that people should have thicker skin. You’re alive and healthy. That’s reason to be thankful, right? But now that’s it’s actually happening to me, I can’t away run from it no matter how hard I try. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m don’t matter and it seems like I’m always doing something wrong. It’s getting harder and harder everyday to interact with other people, smile, and act like’s nothing wrong. Drowning the world out doesn’t work anymore. Listening to uplifting songs and reading inspirational messages doesn’t work anymore. I’m happy for a day or two and then something happens and I’m stuck in emotional rut again. I’ve never really had a problem with going to school, now I absolutely dread it. It seriously pains me seeing my peers goof off with their friends while I’m stuck sitting on the sidelines or walking away? I don’t want to lose my identity to fit it. I have standards and morals. But, why don’t people like me? Why am I encouraged to voice my opinion and stick up for beliefs, but am shunned for it if I do? Why is that when I try to offer some comfort and sympathy to those who are clearly asking for it when they constantly talk about how much their life sucks, my kindness is mistaken for weakness and I’m scolded for inferring? Yet, when I’m not there for someone and/or choose to stay out of drama, I’m considered heartless and don’t care? I’ve struggling to keep a smile on face, but do you care? Do you even bother to help a sista, someone who’s supposed to be your friend, out? No, because I’m not cool enough for you anymore. I don’t have enough swag. I’m not a “bad bitch”. I don’t talk at the lunch table anymore for a reason, YOU and your posse have shunned me into silence. I’m the one that stayed on the phone with you for hours, helping you deal with your petty problems when no one else would and yet you have the fucking nerve to treat me like I’m inferior. Thanks a lot.

I don’t have everything. No one knows what I have put up with at home. Between a mother that’s giving up on herself and has gotten ridiculously lazy, I’m the one doing all of the cooking. Granted, I don’t mind doing it every once in a while but it’s becoming more frequent. As someone who is home all day and has plenty of time to sleep, instead ordering me around to “clean this” and “clean that” or “get me a cup of juice”, this is going to sound a little harsh, but why not get up off your ass and do it your self? You’re an adult. You’re a grown woman. I should not have to make sure you eat something or remind you to do the simplest of things, like WTF? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop telling people in the streets that I’m getting grown and have a bad attitude. I’m busting my butt trying make to things easier for you, yet you think you have to carry a burden by yourself. On top of that, because of you’re constant nitpicking, complaining, and over exaggerating, Dad is fed up and I have to listen to him have drone on and on about you and how you don’t appreciate all of his hard-work. I feel bad for both of you, to be honest. It’s obvious you don’t love each other and should have gotten a divorce years ago.  You’re trying to hold on for the sake of me, when in reality, you’re making it worse.

I have a bad time at school only to come home and deal with more drama. I’m a child, it’s shouldn’t be my job to make things right for ANYONE.

I wish I could one of that girls that believed in fairytales but I’m not. I honestly don’t believe I’ll ever find my Prince Charming. I mean, I don’t really believe in marriage or having kids, but damn it, I want that special someone that’s going make me believe in it. Is there really someone out there that’s going to love me for me? Take me as I am, flaws and all? I want to be able to have good, clean, fun with people and not worry about a fight popping off. I don’t want to be afraid to make a fool out of myself anymore. I want to be able to have a decent conversation with someone and not worry about being judged. I want be proud of myself, I want to love my body, but that’s easier said than done. How much longer do I have to put up with crap before I’m legitimately happy with who I am and where I’m at in life?

….I don’t know what I was thinking.